Wednesday, January 15, 2014


I am horribly behind. I can't seem to get caught up, and it makes me sad, because my blog is one of the few things I don't consider dispensable. I love reading over old posts and looking through my printed blog books, and it makes me sad that I am missing out on this time of our lives. So I thought I'd take a moment to record just a little bit of what I'm feeling right now. I'll get to the trips and holidays eventually, but if I don't write down my feelings this very instant I will never be able to remember them. And sorry for the absence of pictures. Adding pictures is time consuming, and time is a precious commodity (hence the lack of posts).

Sawyer is now 4 months old. He is growing so fast and I am MISSING it. It breaks my heart that I can't spend all day long holding and playing with him. I can't even remember his weight at his 4 month checkup. 14 lbs something? He is now exclusively formula fed and I am 100% conflicted on how I feel about that. Half of me is ecstatic (cue Rapunzel, "I'm free! I'm never going back!") and the other half is distraught (also cue Rapunzel, "I can't believe I did that. I'm going back right now!"). Every first with Sawyer is now also a potential last (the last first smile, the last time I will put away the newborn clothes) and it is so depressing I almost want to have another baby just to delay the inevitable. But at the same time, I am so overwhelmed by these four (wonderful, amazing, adorable) children, that the thought of another one nearly sends me into hysterics.

Most days I actually do ok. I'd say I accomplish 75% of what I set out to do in a day (my lists are short, people) and that almost always includes a workout which is a biggie. But without fail, I hit my breaking point at some point during the day. Typically, I break after 5 pm which is great because Jeff is available to step in and save our family from a complete meltdown. (I love my husband so much. Just FYI.) However, this month has been tough. In a 3 week period (which we are right in the middle of) he will have been out of town 16 days. The days he is home are so busy I hardly see him, and before I know it he's gone again. And on those days that he's gone, when I hit the breaking point, chaos ensues.

Ok, enough with the whining. Here are some highlights from January.

1. I turned 30! It hit me a lot harder than I thought it would. Probably had something to do with the aforementioned weaning of Sawyer, and the discovery of gray hairs just DAYS before my birthday. I had a few days where every time I thought about it I felt like someone had robbed part of my life from me. Surely I haven't lived for 30 years!? Give it back! (Wow, this still sounds a lot like whining.) But now that I've come to terms with it, I am excited for this new stage of life. I have a feeling my 30s are going to be great! And I suppose with a 10 year anniversary looming and a soon to be 8-year-old son, I need to age a little. Oh, and did I mention Jeff gave me a trip to New York for my birthday?

2. We decided to take 2014 and focus as a family on a new value every month. This month's value is selflessness. It's been really neat to see the kids understand and apply selflessness each and every day. They are not perfect (and neither am I), but we are all trying harder and we have lots of opportunities to practice. Just in the first week I had two really neat experiences that I will probably document in a more private forum but let's just say the Lord is helping me learn how to be selfless.

3. We have a lot of upcoming travel. Vacations keep me going. Having something to look forward to can get me through a lot of tough days. In February, my brother is getting married (hooray! finally!) and immediately after his wedding Jeff and I are going to the Bahamas. There are perks to sales jobs, and company paid trips is one of them. :) In April, we have a Pendleton reunion in conjunction with Logan's baptism. In May, another brother is getting married (hooray again!) and then in June we'll cash in on that birthday trip to New York.

4. The baby weight is coming off. It is a slow process and I am having to work my tail off to do it, but I am almost there and it feels great! I wish I were not so shallow and didn't care so much about appearances, but I am and I do. So this is a big accomplishment and I'm hoping to get the rest of the way there in the next month or so.

So there you have it. Life is good, just crazy busy doing mundane things. If I am showered and have make up on at the end of the day, chances are that's about all I did. Not really blog material. I'll get there though. I've got lots of fun pictures to post and I really do hope that I'll find some time soon.

Ok, I lied. Just one picture. I couldn't resist. Here is Sawyer in his blessing outfit. I love this baby so much.


Susan Pendleton said...

Thanks for the real part of your life. As we say, enjoy your journey. Soon it will be on to something else. Life is full of change. Can't wait to see you.

Laurel said...

I'm jealous of all your upcoming trips! They sound like fun. Good for you for getting your daily workout in. I'm still struggling to fit it in but I did tae bo today. Big accomplishment for me!