One afternoon Isabelle was showing me a picture she had drawn, but I was signing her homework sheet and not looking at her picture. In frustration she said to me, "Mom! Do you have eyes on the side [of your head]? Because every time you say, "I see," you are looking somewhere else."
Izzy has become my little sidekick while I work out to my exercise videos. After a few days in a row of watching these videos, we had this conversation.
I: Is that girl older than everybody else? [Referencing Cat, the demonstrator for "modified exercises" if you are not up to the full exercise.]
Me: No, I think she's about the same age as everybody else.
I: Oh, she just looks older because she's fatter than them?
Wow. Nice work, Beachbody. Your tactics are so transparent even a 5-year-old can see it. We then had a long conversation about how she isn't fat, curvy doesn't necessarily mean old, and we need to be sensitive and not call people either fat or old.
I am breaking my son's trust right now, but I can't stop laughing!
"Mom, Izzy and I are in love! You can't tell anyone, not Izzy's mom, dad, your friends, or brothers and sisters, because I don't want to make Izzy embarrassed 'cause she said people will tease her."
"Yeah, it's just you and me and Izzy that know. Yeah, Izzy says she wants to marry me. I really like her. It's ok, Mom. When we are adults we will come visit you and then her mom will move and we will live there."
I was laughing so hard when I read this, I could hardly breathe! But I didn't dare say anything to Izzy, because then she would know that Drake had spilled the beans. So I waited, and the next day...
Izzy: Mom, do you know why I want to play with Drake so much? I know it's crazy, but [pause, deep breath], Drake and I decided to date.
Me: Oh really? What does it mean "to date?"
Izzy: Oh, we do fun things together. Like [long pause] play Minecraft. Or house.
Me: Do you do lovey-dovey stuff? Like hug or kiss?
Izzy: Well, we did kiss on the playground yesterday. But not on the lips, just on the cheek.
WHAT??! Oh man, I was dying with laughter and horror simultaneously. A few minutes later she came back to me, with a dress on, her hair brushed, flower clip in place, and wearing a necklace. She asked if she could wear some of my makeup. People, she's FIIIIIIIVE. I felt like I was in the scene of Father of the Bride, where suddenly Steve Martin is sitting across the table from his tiny little daughter and she's telling him she's getting married. Except my daughter really IS tiny!
We had a good chat about how she and Drake are probably too young to date and kiss, and she's definitely too young for makeup, but we could arrange some playdates and they could be very good friends until they grow up. A lot.
So the next day, at dinner, I asked Isabelle how school had been that day.
Me: Any kissing today?
Izzy: [smiling] No, but we did other romantic things.
Me: Romantic things? What romantic things?
Izzy: You know, we held hands, hugged, blushed...
Me: You blushed? What does that even mean?
Izzy: MOM! Pink spots right here! [Points to her cheeks.]
Well, snakes alive, I didn't think she knew what that meant. The conversation quickly deteriorated after that, with Savannah telling me that she and her best boy buddy get teased and chased on the playground, and Logan admitting that people sing the K-I-S-S-I-N-G song about him and another girl. I sat there, stunned and alone (Jeff was out of town), trying to comprehend how all three of my school-age children were in pseudo-relationships and I had no idea.
Heaven help me in 10 years.